My Little Wildflower,
I thought I had more time. More time to cuddle with you, more time to hold you, and more time to kiss your chubby cheeks. I dreamed of the color of your hair and the sound of your voice. I dreamed of being your mother and the purpose you would give me. Now that you’re here, I can’t seem to catch up with the passing days. I have spent every day with you: every bath time and every morning snuggle; I have been lucky enough to be part of it all. I wish the days could stay long and the years even longer. I wish I could go back in time and relive it all again, because I know there are moments I missed. This first year has pushed me to survive the hard days and savor the sweet days.
This time last year, I was praying anxiously, waddling around slowly and patiently awaiting your arrival. I remember making sure the nursery was just perfect. I spent days sitting in your teal rocker, rubbing my belly and praying about the memories we would create. And today, I sit in that same teal rocker blown away by the blessing of motherhood. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, the overwhelming love and exhaustion I would experience and the urgency to live in the moment because the precious moments pass so quickly. Thank you for giving me a new purpose and thank you for pushing me to be the best version of me.
Oh, my dear sweet child, if only I knew what I know now. I would choose not to worry about sleepless nights and pacifiers. I would choose not to fret about the no nap days. I would choose to savor the moments of breastfeeding into all the hours of the night if it meant I could stop time and have you in my arms again. You were so small, yet taught me so much. I am sorry that you had to embark on my trials and errors as a first-time mom. Early on, I was so consumed with my own healing and recovery that I missed out on moments that I will never get back, and for that I am sorry. I wish I could back and watch it all unfold. Just to see you again as that tiny, precious newborn that I had prayed for and hoped for for so long.
My sweet Millie Grace, you are the reason I am a mom. You are the reason I stretch myself, and choose to be brave. You are the reason that your daddy and I choose to love and serve each other unconditionally. You are the reason I choose to push through the hard days and savor the sweet ones. You are the reason I choose to be at home day in and day out. You are loved, cherished, and the most precious gift from God. There is so much joy in the anticipation of who you will become but also sadness in years that I will not get back. But I can wholeheartedly say that the sadness I feel is overcome by gratitude of having been part of your story.
I love you, Millie Grace. Be brave my little wildflower.
Happy First Birthday!
Abby is a Mom and an amazing team member of Baja Baby. She lives in Colorado with her husband Alex, their beautiful daughter Amelia Grace, baby boy Amos Lee and Maple the dog. You can find Abby on Instagram by clicking here.
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